The real Apryl.

Calm down, Apryl. I tell this to myself but it is so hard to do. What am I feeling not calm about? Mess, clutter, dishes, laundry. This stay home mom gig turned into more of a try to keep the house not a mess gig. I wish I could just play with my kids when they are home and play with my toddler all day without stressing because there are (let me pause to count) 12 things out of place on my computer desk. Some call my behavior OCD, but I just call it normal keep things tidy-ness. I mean, shouldn’t everything be picked up all the time? Shouldn’t all desk and table and counter and shelf surfaces not be a mess? Not be cluttered? This is my battle with myself, but damnit, it comes out more like my battle against my family (four children and one husband), the people I love the most. I do not want to nag, I do not want to say many times a day “Who left this here?” “Who did not put this away?” “Why am I the only person who sees this mess?” But maaaaan, why AM I the ONLY person who sees it? It is not fair to them, it is not fair to me. We moved from one thousand square feet to nearly three thousand and it does feel spacious and it does feel open, but it still feels messy, sometimes. I try to pay attention to when I feel so overwhelmed by mess, but I have yet to find a very real pattern I can try to kick the butt of. For now it is time to go bathe two children, it is cold right now and they have a late start in the morning, but they still need to go to bed in seven minutes. Ha ha, ha ha ha. Seven minutes. They need washing, they need dressing, one needs her teeth brushed, then they need to be read to, and I have to use the bathroom myself. So, as much as I want them in bed in, oh, now six minutes, realistically if they are laid down and ready for lights out in 36 minutes we will be doing well.