oh man, my little man is four!

i am thankful he is four. i am thankful he is healthy and happy and growing. he's a small guy, but he had that heart defect, remember? that sets you back a little. he is still nursing sometimes more often and sometimes less often. i cannot believe he's four!

Last

Adam will be 4-years old on September first, today is August sixth, so his birthday is coming pretty soon. I don't plan to wean him, but knowing he is almost four makes me realize we are living in a year of lasts. Not just his last, last time to breastfeed on the Fourth of July, last time to breastfeed during World Breastfeeding Week, but MY lasts. I have breastfed all four of my children, and this year it was on the Fourth of July that I realized it was my last Fourth to have a nursling. It doesn't even matter in a way because I've never even had the thought, "Oh, here I am breastfeeding my baby on the Fourth of July" but once the idea got in my head I thought about it. I recently had the last birthdays of three of my family members with a nursling in the house. I will soon have my last birthday with a nursling child, on September first it will be the last time I nurse one of my children on their birthday. I don't know when Adam will wean, I think very likely it will be before he turns five. He IS small for his age, due to his heart defect, he only weighs about 26 pounds. And, he is NOT interested in using the potty chair or the toilet instead of diapers (sigh) so he may wean later than he would have if he hadn't been born with three holes in his heart. Most days he only nurses when he wakes up and before bed anyway, I just noticed that, I guess because he is quite busy being almost four. So, I am not sad really about this year of lasts, when I think about my last time nursing Adam on the Fourth of July, but when I think back to how many Fourths I had a nursing baby, and to think that within the next year it is likely that part of my mothering life will be over, it is kind of sad to think about. Mostly, I am thankful. I am thankful I have had support and thankful for the success with my first daughter which led me to feel more confident nursing my second and third daughters and then my son. Breastfeeding is hands down the most useful parenting tool I have and I am thankful it has been a part of my life. I wonder if the last time Adam nurses I will know it's the last time. We'll see I guess.

link

http://www.bellybelly.com.au/breastfeeding/breast-refusal/

the newborn. the newly born. brand new.

when a baby is born it's kind of magical. one minute she was inside her mother's body and the next minute she is outside. light and air and scents are new, touch is new, sounds are different. a human baby spends her first hours in her mother's arms, at her mother's breast, learning the scent and taste of her mother to put together what she already knows about her mother, her sounds. a cow's baby spends her first four hours nursing from her mother and standing. newborn kittens are blind and stay right with their mother, she feeds them and cleans them and takes care of their waste. it all seems quite magical to me.

three and a half

When I had my first baby my goal was to nurse for six months, then 9 months, then 12 months. Then I met a mom who told me I could let my baby continue to breastfeed after age one, that was new information to me because I thought breastfeeding was like bottle feeding and only went to one year. I worked in a lot of daycare centers before I became a mom and at one year they got a cup instead of a bottle. At the time, being just 22 years old, I didn't know breastfeeding past one year was an option. I was young and inexperienced. My first child went on to nurse for four years. I weaned her when she turned four because I heard a story on the radio of a mother who had her child taken away when he was six because he was still breastfeeding. It scared me. That was 2001. My second child I weaned when she was two years and one month old because I found out I was pregnant with her sister. I know some women do nurse through pregnancy, but I miscarried while breastfeeding my first child so I wasn't willing to risk it. My third child is my only self-weaner. She started sucking her fingers when she was one month old, so she was not much of a comfort nurser. She weaned herself when she was 2 years and 7 months old. My fourth child, my last child, my open-heart surgery survivor, is still nursing. He will be three and seven months tomorrow. Some days he will only nurse before bed, most days he nurses in the morning and before bed, some days he will nurse a few times during the day. His norm is that he can breastfeed if he wants to and it seems to me, logically, that is the norm for mammals. For me it's nice because I get to cuddle him and I get some quiet time. It also makes bedtime a piece of cake, nursing a preschooler is like a magic fix for sickness, hurts, falls, sadness, anything, any trouble he has will be fixed easily with just a few minutes of nursing. He will be my second self-weaner.

peaceful

I know, looking at this picture the word peaceful isn't exactly what comes to mind, but day-to-day life in our home, even with four kids IS peaceful. My thought about each of my children is they are their own person and I am the person lucky enough to know them, lucky enough to guide them, lucky enough to love them. The most beautiful part is they get to love each other too. My son is the only boy in a family with three big sisters, the big sister in the picture is the younger me, her patience with children, her innate knowledge of knowing how to react and what to say, she is magical, she is better than me I think. She is the defender of everyone smaller, younger, weaker, and everyone bigger, older, stronger. Here, in this photo, he was looking in her mouth and not opening her mouth very gently, yet she was gentle with him, she was laughing, and that made him laugh too. He likes to open my mouth then open his mouth and make noise into mine, with his sister he was just putting his hand in there. Invasion of space? Oh, sure, absolutely, and if she asked him to stop and he did not I would have swooped in, scooped him up, and distracted him, but she was laughing so I took pictures. I try not to spend my days admonishing my children for one thing after the other, and I have been doing it for so long that I hardly stop them from anything because they hardly do anything I don't like. My son is different as he is after all, three and a half, but even with him I will say one time to stop doing whatever I want him to stop doing, then I will just pick him up laughing and distract and redirect. So, it's a peaceful house. I wish I was as patient with my husband as I am with my kids, but I am working on that!

Breastfeeding for Your Heart

http://tedmed.com/talks/show?id=292925