4 years 2 months, 2 years 1 month, 2 years 7 months, 5 years 2 months so far...

an odd thing i've noticed now that my son has nearly weaned is that my boobs are so cold! they have gone from being the warmest part of my body to being just so cold! my daughters laugh at me when i say my boobs are freezing. adam will probably be all the way weaned in a few weeks. six months after he is weaned i get to have my first mammogram, wee! exciting! why? because i am an older mom i suppose. 41. after all these years of breastfeeding i don't know how i feel about the fact that my last child is only nursing once a day before bed and only on one side. the first feeling that comes to mind is sad. i'm kind of sad. before i was pregnant with my first child i planned to breastfeed. i had boobs, they were d size boobs, i figured i may as well use them. i had a few role models growing up who breastfed their babies. my husband was supportive. i gave birth the first time in a great hospital with a lot of support. but this story isn't about each of my babies and their breastfeeding stories. this story is about weaning, it's about the end of an era (thanks friends tv show) it's about a part of my life that has defined me ending. adam will be my second child to wean himself. i am thankful i have let him wean himself. he's a twiddler so you know, i am relieved i was able to let him wean himself. like any last time, i hope i notice his last time nursing to sleep. my last time nursing my child to sleep. last of all, thank you my boobs, you have done a very good job. i'm proud of you.

almost five

Adam is almost 5-years old. He's a small guy, having a heart defect at birth will slow down your growth a bit. Like they say, big things come in small packages and Adam is big on personality in every way.

i love a child with his own sense of style

gentle hands

This little boy of mine is go-go-go most of his waking hours. A couple of weeks ago we took him to the fair and he rode rides and walked around and drank lemonade. At the very end we saw butterflies and I was so happy to see the quiet, gentle boy side of my little guy.

Our Tula is Our Baby Backpack and We Use it For Time-In

We use the tula as a time-in. When Adam is having a rough evening I put him in the tula for a while until he settles down. In this picture I had him in the tula, under my sweater and we went for a walk. Before I had children I worked in a lot of child care centers and we used time out all the time. "Oh, you took a toy, go to time out," "You hit, go to time out," "You bit, go to time-out," Time-out was such an over used punishment but I guess when you are taking care of many children it is the easy way out. That was about twenty years ago, I'm not sure how time-outs go at daycares now. I never used time-out with my first three children, I never had to. With my son, I tried it a few times and it didn't really help and then I read an article about putting little children by themselves to deal with their big emotions and that doesn't make sense. "Hey kid, you've made me upset, I'm not happy with you, go be away alone to think about what you've done," I bet all they think is "I don't like being in here, I want to get out," and now they are even more unhappy than they were when they took a toy or hit their sister or whatever. So I've started saying "Okay, time for the baby backpack," and putting Adam up to get him settled down. Sometimes he starts out so mad he hits me with the straps but then I just tie them so he can't. He always gets himself sorted out, I do my chores and go about my business and let him have a moment to calm, and eventually he says in a perfectly kind and calm and happy voice, "Mommy, I'm all done with the baby backpack" and he is. Adam is still nursing to sleep most nights, I would say every night but last night he nursed and was still awake so I held him and his stuffed cat until he fell asleep. This morning when he woke up he nursed before we got up. He is a good boy most of the time and I have been paying close attention so I can tell what is making him have a hard time when he is having a hard time and I work on heading it off. So, yay for the tula as a tool for time-in and yay for whomever wrote that article about time-in versus time-out, I may be a 40-year old mother of four who knows more about childcare than anything else, but I can still learn new tricks!

oh man, my little man is four!

i am thankful he is four. i am thankful he is healthy and happy and growing. he's a small guy, but he had that heart defect, remember? that sets you back a little. he is still nursing sometimes more often and sometimes less often. i cannot believe he's four!