Mama loves Adam.

I say it to him all day, "Mama loves Adam," and kiss him all over his little softie self. He is such a joy. Adam will be a year old in three days, ah, a year, he made it! There were times in that first four months when I just didn't know, I really didn't know. My husband always said our son would be okay, my oldest daughter always said he would be okay, but for me, until I saw him alive and all fixed up after his surgery I just DID NOT KNOW.

For four months I held him all the time, all the time, because what if I didn't get to keep him? I did not want to look back and wish I had held him more, I knew that if I held him and knew he was gone, I couldn't let go, couldn't face it that he wasn't going to be with me that I couldn't bring him back... I thought about it a lot.

Coming up on one year, I feel like we should go to Disney World, I feel like we have won the lottery, like we need to do something HUGE to celebrate the fact that we still have this baby! That he is here! I put my ear on his chest and listen to his solid heart beat and it always makes me cry, strong boy, strong heart, hurray!!!

Mama loves Adam. I love Antonia. I love Josephine. I love Caroline. I love David. I am lucky indeed.